


you're not what you think you were made to be

by 4cky



Category: Nameless: The one thing you must recall
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Binary Yeonho, Other, Past Abuse, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:23:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4cky/pseuds/4cky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Yeonho is bad, they hurt themselves. Because they deserve it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're not what you think you were made to be

Eri was quiet, Yeonho understood why. She didn’t like it when they punished themself for being bad. It felt awful whenever she did find out; Yeonho was shuddering and whispering out, “I’m sorry. I-I’m so sorry, master.” Over and over, between the tears, they kept apologizing. But she kept giving that tight-lipped grin when she was trying so hard to not be mad, even though her doll could tell when people were upset. Especially their master.

She wrapped the bandage snugly on their arm, and the sadness in her eyes hurt more than anything they did to themself ever could. “You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to hurt yourself.”

But of course their master would say that: she didn’t understand. Sometimes they were bad or they didn’t do something that was good and when that happened, they needed to be punished. Especially if she didn’t do it. Because everyone would know that they were bad and they’d hate him, even Eri. Maybe especially Eri. They’d tried to explain it once, but she didn’t seem to understand. That’s why this had to be done. “I’m sorry…”

“Yeonho, you don’t need to say you’re sorry. I mean, I know you keep saying it, but this keeps happening anyways, so I just…” she touched her hair, rolling it between her fingers. It was their fault, if only they were better, if only they were always good, she wouldn’t feel bad, she wouldn’t have to feel like they did… “I wish you could tell me when you felt like this. I really wish you didn’t just… do this to yourself.”

“But it doesn’t work like that!” Yeonho blurted out, though they shut their mouth quickly and looked in a corner of the room. It wasn’t that they wanted to do it, it was that they had to. It was their responsibility, because Eri wouldn’t do it. But she got so upset when her doll explained that, so they wouldn’t do that again. They didn’t want to be bad.

She raised her hand, and there was a deep seated desire to jump back, even though that same feeling told them they deserved it, even if their rational brain told them she would never hurt them. Instead, as expected, her hand tangled into her doll’s blonde hair, stroking gently like Yeonho was a pet rabbit. “I… I know you had a bad experience with your first owner. And I know you feel like you aren’t good, or that you aren’t good _enough_ and that deserves punishment somehow. But I want you to know that you are good enough. You aren’t bad, you’ve never been bad, not even when you were bitter and sad and angry.”

Even though Eri’s words were sweet and kind, they hurt. Maybe it was because they were sweet and kind and they knew they hadn’t done anything to deserve anything that good. Even though they were gentle words, the doll still sniffled as more tears fell down their face. She’d said things like this so many times before, and every time, it always hurt. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” she said softly, pulling them into her arms. Her breaths shuddered like she was holding back a sob. They really wished it weren’t always like this, that they didn’t hurt people like this. They were the only one who deserved punishment, not people like Eri. “I’m sorry you were ever hurt by someone,” she started slowly, stroking Yeonho’s hair, “I-I’m sorry that anyone would ever think that was acceptable. But, I want you to know that I don’t think you should be punished. I know that… that sometimes, you feel like you have to punish yourself, but you don’t. I wish I could go back in time and stop your first owner from ever hurting you, but I can’t. And I’m sorry for that.”

“That’s not your fault, master…” they mumbled, holding their hands loosely at her sides. “I’m sorry I’m not good to be around--”

“You are, though! I’m glad I’m around you. I’m glad I spend time with you. I don’t ever regret it, because,” she paused briefly, sucking in a breath, “because I love you, Yeonho.”

They pressed their face into her shoulder, because they wouldn’t have been able to handle looking at hers at that moment. “T-thank you, mas--Eri,” they didn’t know what else to say. Because of course they loved her, they _adored_ her, every moment they were allowed to be near her, their heart was full to bursting. Hearing her say something like that to them didn’t even feel real. Half-whispering, Yeonho told her, “I l-love you, too.”

Eri’s heart was pounding loud enough that they could hear it from her neck. It always had such a beautiful sound. “Do you think you could try to let me help you, when something like this happens? Or let me know?”

“Um, I… I don’t know if I could promise that I will,” it wasn’t the nicest thing they could have said, but it was correct, “b-but. I can try. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I can ask,” she stroked their hair again, soft and kind like she was. They didn’t deserve this, any of this, and they knew that. But they made Eri happy. Which in some ways, they supposed, was worth more than being good or bad.


End file.
